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I want to say that a Wrathful Deity Practice is a more advanced practice. We did another series on Dancing with the Dakini, which is a wonderful practice of cultivating love, cultivating a sense of opening your heart, and resonance and feeling good, feeling whole.
There’s a lot of positivity in that series of practices and that’s a very important thing, to understand that you do that first. You begin to have a good feeling about life, about yourself. You begin to have a sense of Wholeness, a sense of Communion in Love with Life, with God.
As you do this, things are going to happen because you’re going to start changingso that’s going to change things, and people you’re really close to will come up to you and say, “You’ve changed. I don’t know whether I like you anymore.” And it’s strange, because I’m feeling better about myself, and yet that person who I thought liked me for who I was, when I changed certain qualities, they didn’t find me as appealing anymore, and you know what, I didn’t find them as appealing anymore, either.
But that’s part of this thing, of cultivating a sense of self-love before you start doing this work with the sense of self-love, you actually have this willingness to say, “You know what?”
“I’m worth more.” I don’t have to go down that path that I’ve been going down with you for the last 15 years. I can do something else.” And that’s why we did Dancing with the Dakini and The Everyday Sanyasin book. I really recommend that someone go through those before they begin to try to tackle dealing with the Wrathful Deity.
Then we go to something like the Wrathful Deity practice, and you don’t have to go there. I mean, if you’re working really well with the other practices, and you don’t have the thought, “Well, I really want to do a Maha Kala practice” or something like that, then for goodness sake, don’t do it just to do it; do what you have a resonance with, a connection with.
Between regular monthly bills and unanticipated expenses, it seemed I was always upside down on my budget. As soon as I got my paycheck, it was already spent. I got a lot of bills every month and put them off to the last minute, then dealt with them all in a hurry. This results in me taking over money from the next pay just to make it through. It’s not that I didn’t make enough money, it’s that I had no control of my budget. Worse yet, any emergency landed me even deeper in debt.
Most of us have been in this situation. We try to be cautious with our spending and be careful with our money, but long before the month is over, the money is gone. Paying bills is a juggling act that most of us don’t have the time or energy to comprehend. There’s always one bill that was overlooked or delayed, one more expense we weren’t prepared for. With school supplies and fees for the kids, groceries, new tyres for the car, and the raising cost of petrol, just making it from paycheck to paycheck is challenging enough; saving money is out of the question. Meanwhile, debt is softly building up. I asked myself how I can get my budget under control?
Fortunately for me, I discovered a service which will help me manage my money more wisely and take away the tension of paying off monthly bills, letting me focus on the things that really matter to my family. No more concerning about where the money will come from; I can finally relax, knowing that my finances are in good hands.
The financial planning process:
During your first consultation, your budget specialist will look at all of your existing debts and monthly payments to come up with a program that works for you. They will oversee your money, setting aside money for savings, emergencies, and long-term investment, ensuring your family’s financial security. If you are planning a major purchase, this will be forecasted into your budget so that when you are ready to buy, the money will be there for you.
Your paychecks are generally deposited with your financial planner, and a seperate living expenses account is setup for you. Your bills are directly delivered to your budgeting specialist for payment. Some budget services will even negotiate with your creditors to reduce your monthly payments and reduce your outstanding debt. A low monthly fee is assessed for all these services.
For me, the most important monthly service my budget consultant provides is peace of mind. No more fuss with bill payment; I know my bills will be paid on time, and that I’ll have money in reserve for life’s little emergencies. My budget is finally under control, thanks to my financial planning service.
You know, invisible lace wigs weren’t even on my radar. Modeling was the only thing I cared about. That was true till the time my hair began to thin because of alopecia. It was obvious that I can’t sign off on the outcome of living as the bald Bruce Willis from New Hampshire.
I imagined that I’d lost myself, lacking a real head of hair. I felt like that it was out of my hands to regain fabulous hair. Boy, I was mistaken. Way before I found my favorite real wig, I went through a number of silly unnatural hair extensions that I couldn’t stand. My partner Harry found me respectable, medical wig websites that carried authentic wigs that would feel great.
Then I hopped to it and sized up the selection. I found myself browsing an array of beautiful, seamless lace front wigs. Their tailored wigs for cancer patients fit me perfectly.
With the perfect hair piece, a woman in my situation can foster fearlessness when admitting to her hair loss. Now I see this as an opportunity to flaunt my current earrings. It was glorious to proudly go about as I used to on the job.
Perhaps I’m getting out of hand as I ramble, but hair is integral to my emotional well-being. Is there a deeper meaning to being alive than a fabulous style of hair? Girl, it doesn’t matter if someone told me otherwise. Wigs are stylish fashion pieces to so many women.
You would not believe what my loved ones have felt like. Not many can tell the reality of me and wearing a wig. Anyhow that’s life, I’m merely happy to to strut my stuff. Lace front wigs made so much better for me.
Judgmental people could say that method needy. Who cares? Doesn’t everyone have something small that makes existing on earth so amazing? For me, I adore my family and my hair.
Embrace Living!
Cassandra Holton
The fact that we exist means that we routinely have to defeat life’s obstacles. It appears that the more we grow technology and paths to make things more speedily, the more anxiety attacks increase. We should study this further. You could easily guess that pressures and stressors would lessen with our consistent advancement in technology. Yet, anxiousness and depressive disorder seem much worse now than they ever were in the past. Chances are that in past times, people simply didn’t mention it. For sure that is not the same nowadays. Truth is, if you are a TV watcher, it is almost certain that you have come across an ad for a medicine, which provides panic attacks help.
A rising number of us are facing up to these troubles. It does not matter if it is a phobic disorder of massive crowds or a sleep disorder, researchers continue to make advances with new solutions. Getting quite a bit of their attention is panic attacks and natural depression. When I consider depression, I think of a person who has recently suffered the loss of a loved one or a person who is impaired in such a way that precludes them from living a typical life. This is not necessarily true. We are surrounded by people that are pummeled by the burden of panic attacks and natural depression for other reasons. Some of which are not even identified. Sometimes it could be as simple as the food we eat. It seems to be part of the human condition to lack total contentment with life.
Teenagers, as connected with this issue, are of a special interest. Panic attacks and depressive disorder seems to be striking them more than others these days. Acknowledged, being a teenager is awkward in some areas, and incredibly delightful in others. Through many teens eyes, it appears all negative. We all were teens at least one time. We certainly know much of what they are going through. However, natural depression was not part of my teen experience. Who knows what has happened in the last ten years. Anxiety attacks should not be a part of childhood. Truth is, anxiety attacks and depression should be much less frequent than it is altogether.
All of us have met people who just seem to be happy most of the time. Perhaps you have assumed that these people are just naturally happy, or that they are the lucky people who have an easy life, or they had really loving parents. Most of the time, nothing could be farther from the truth.
Happy people are making specific choices regarding their thinking and behavior. Happy people consciously choose to think and behave in ways that result in happiness. Unhappy people are unconsciously thinking and behaving in ways that create unhappiness.
Following are five of the specific choices that happy people make:
OPTIMISM
Happy people see the glass as half full, while unhappy people choose to be pessimistic - to see the glass as half empty. Optimistic thinking does not just happen - it is a choice regarding how you see life. Optimistic people are optimistic because they CHOOSE to be optimistic. Instead of allowing their ego wounded self to be in charge with all its doom and gloom, happy people put their loving adult self in charge and open to the wonderful possibilities that life has to offer. Happy people realize that their thinking is the beginning of a creative process that leads to manifestation. By thinking in positive ways, they move themselves to act in ways that manifest their dreams.
KINDNESS
Happy people choose to be kind and compassionate toward themselves and others. Happy people have learned that how they treat themselves and others determines much of how they feel. Happy people do not wait to be happy before being kind to themselves and others. They realize that their happiness is the RESULT of their caring behavior, not the CAUSE of it. They are kind, caring and compassionate whether or not they feel like it. They have chosen this way of being, and their happiness is the result.
FORGIVENESS
Happy people do not harbor resentment toward others, even others who have been mean and hurtful toward them. They realize that resentment makes them unhappy, so they choose to allow people their humanness and forgive them their hurtful behavior. Because happy people tend not to take personally others’ uncaring behavior, they don’t get their feelings hurt in the same way that people do who take others’ behavior personally. Happy people recognize that another’s behavior is really about that other person, so they move into compassion toward themselves and others rather than into judgment.
ACCEPTANCE
Happy people realize what they can control and what they can’t. They live by the Serenity Prayer, accepting the things they cannot change and changing the things they can. Unhappy people are constantly trying to change people and circumstances and do not accept their lack of control. As a result, they are constantly frustrated. Happy people realize they cannot control others and outcomes, so they focus on what they can control - their own thinking and behavior. Acceptance of what they can and cannot control leads to happiness and inner peace.
GRATITUDE
Finally, happy people are consistently grateful for what they have, rather than complaining about what they don’t have. They notice the many gifts and blessings that come their way and they frequently express gratitude for the everyday things in their lives - the beauty of nature, the food they eat, the smile on a friend’s face, their ability to see, hear, walk, talk. Even many disabled people who may not have the blessings of eyesight, hearing, speech or legs are often happy people because they focus on what they do have and what they can do, rather than focusing on what they are missing out on.
If you want to be happy, then you need to recognize that happiness is the result of your thinking and behavior, not the cause of it. If you choose to focus on becoming conscious of what thoughts and behavior make you feel happy, you can become a happy person - regardless of your present circumstances. Happiness does not just happen - it takes work!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
What Is Perfectionism?
This is the first of two newsletters that address perfectionism. In this issue, we will explore what perfectionism is and why it is destructive. In the next one, we will take a look at some strategies for both controlling the need to be perfect and living a more relaxed, satisfying life.
Perfectionists aspire to be top achievers and do not allow themselves to make even a single mistake. They are always on the alert for imperfections and weaknesses in themselves and others. They tend to be rigid thinkers who are on the lookout for deviations from the rules or the norm.
Perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence. People who pursue excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in working to meet high standards. Perfectionists are motivated by self-doubt and fears of disapproval, ridicule, and rejection. The high producer has drive, while the perfectionist is driven.
Causes and Characteristics
Fear of failure and rejection. The perfectionist believes that she will be rejected or fail if she is not always perfect, so she becomes paralyzed and unable to produce or perform at all.
Fear of success. The perfectionist believes that if he is successful in what he undertakes, he will have to keep it up. This becomes a heavy burdenwho wants to operate at such a high level all of the time?
Low self-esteem. A perfectionist’s needs for love and approval tend to blind her to the needs and wishes of others. This makes it difficult or impossible to have healthy relationships with others.
Black-and-white thinking. Perfectionists see most experiences as either good or bad, perfect or imperfect. There is nothing in between. The perfectionist believes that the flawless product or superb performance must be produced every time. Perfectionists believe if it can’t be done perfectly, it’s not worth doing.
Extreme determination. Perfectionists are determined to overcome all obstacles to achieving success. This is also true of high achievers, but the perfectionist focuses only on the result of his efforts. He is unable to enjoy the process of producing the achievement. His relentless pursuit of the goal becomes his downfall because it often results in overwhelming anxiety, sabotaging his heroic efforts.
The Costs of Being a Perfectionist
Perfectionism always costs more than the benefits it might provide. It can result in being paralyzed with fear and becoming so rigid that a person is difficult to relate to. It can produce contradictory styles, from being highly productive to being completely nonproductive. Some examples of these costs include the following:
Low self-esteem. Just as low self-esteem is a cause of perfectionist behavior, it is also a result. Because a perfectionist never feels good enough about himself or his personal performance, he usually feels like a loser or a failure.
Gloominess. Since a perfectionist is convinced that it will be next to impossible to achieve most goals, she can easily develop a negative attitude.
Depression. Perfectionists often feel discouraged and depressed because they are driven to be perfect but know that it is impossible to reach the ideal.
Guilt. Perfectionists never think they handle things well. They often feel a sense of shame and guilt as a result.
Rigidity. Since perfectionists need to have everything meet an ideal, they tend to become inflexible and lack spontaneity.
Lack of motivation. A person who expects perfection may never try new behaviors or learn new skills because she thinks that she will never be able to do it well enough. At other times, she may begin the new behavior but give up early because she fears that she will never reach her goal.
Paralysis. Since most perfectionists have an intense fear of failure, they sometimes become immobilized and stagnant. Writers who suffer from writer’s block are examples of the perfectionist’s paralysis.
Obsessive behavior. When a person needs a certain order or structure in his life, he may become overly focused on details and rules.
Compulsive behavior. A perfectionist who feels like a failure or loser may medicate him- or herself with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, sex, gambling, or other high-risk behaviors.
Eating disorders. Many studies have determined that perfectionism is a central issue for people who develop eating disorders.
The Perfectionist versus
The High Achiever
People produce many of their best achievements when they are striving to do their best. High achievers, like perfectionists, want to be better people and achieve great things. Unlike perfectionists, high achievers accept that making mistakes and risking failure are part of the achievement processand part of being human.
Emotionally Healthy High Producers
You can be a high achiever without being a perfectionist. People who accomplish plenty and stay emotionally healthy tend to exhibit the following behaviors:
• Set standards that are high but achievable.
• Enjoy the process, not just the outcome.
• Recover from disappointment quickly.
• Are not disabled by anxiety and fear of failure.
• View mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.
• React positively to constructive feedback.
Once you are aware of the ways by which you expect yourself to be perfect, you can start to change your behavior. In my next newsletter, I’ll offer some tips to help you get started. Until then, begin the change process by thinking about which causes apply to you and writing down examples of these perfectionist behaviors as you observe them.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
It seems slightly strange to talk about a person’s minimum requirements for happiness. Can you and how do you turn the pursuit of happiness into a science to be studied?
At the same time, as I’ve watched myself and my counseling/coaching clients over the years, it has become clear to me that each person has their own minimum requirements for happiness.
Minimum happiness requirements
So what are your minimum requirements for happiness?
One way to identify minimum requirements for happiness is to consider this question - Have you ever stopped doing something you really enjoy because you just got too busy and forgot about it? I think we have all done that one.
Remember what it felt like to do this activity again? If it was a small thrill coupled with a thought of oh yeah, I remember this, you are on the right track.
A recent example from my own life might be helpful. With two young boys always in one of our cars, the stereo had never really been turned up loud. I recently began to introduce my oldest to certain music played loud. I had forgotten how much I like listening to music, some of it loud.
It’s a small thing, but it sure makes me happy.
What small things make you happy do you need to rediscover?
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